Some say that a sex talk is taboo. Others affirm that taboo is to talk about money. But then I ask myself: what about the toilet? Since this is a reality that everyone avoids mentioning.
It is for sure that a talk about the biological necessities does not ennoble anybody, but not everything in life must convey a philosophical message.
We all use and abuse the toilet, and many of us fill up a cart at the supermarket just for the optimum performance in the bathroom. In order that your excrements are of better color, texture and smell, eat more fibres! Isn’t so?
Among little pleasures of life, the seduction game makes the top 10. Time and again, when the lights are dimmed, when the eyes are fixed on each other, when everything makes you smile, when the body temperature rises and when you blush, who in this precise moment is going to imagine your partner relieving himself? There are certainly those who do it, but it is not a rule.
The moment comes when a couple is ready to discover each other in the most intimate way, but minutes before the conquest they run to the toilet. Next morning the teenage girl, still insecure about her first adult performance and her morning breath, runs to the bathroom – right next to the bedroom, and cleans her teeth and rubs her gums. She is happy that her lover is still asleep, because she can’t hold any longer what must leave her body. Suddenly she hears movement in the bedroom. Terrified, the girl feels like being a prisoner of the toilet.
“My God! He is going to hear the tchibum!”
Sweating cold, she thinks about a way out of this situation. The girl decides to stretch out, hoping to reach the sink and open the tap, making the water to run.
“That is going to mislead him! ”, she thinks.
But then her heart goes wild when her lover knocks at the door, asking gently:
“What are you doing there? Do you need help?”
“Very funny! ”, she thinks, but says: “I’m fine.”
Minutes later, the girl cannot hide the reality anymore, and sure that in the moment that her lover would enter the bathroom that she just used, their romance would be dead.
The smell of her stool was not sexy, and this smell would pursue her for the rest of her days.
In a state of desperation, the girl decides to spray her lover’s deodorant all over the bathroom, but the result of this experiment makes her even more embarrassed: from bad the air becomes simply unbearable.
Despite this misadventure, both the young man and the girl think that they have found in each other what they have always been looking for, and before long they decide to get married.
In the beginning of the marriage, the biological necessities are still done behind closed doors. By the third year, the quickies are done with a half-open door, and after being married for seven years, nothing remains a secret any more.
“Bring me the toilet paper, will you dear?” – shouts the woman while sitting on the toilet.
Would this be the beginning of the damned seven years?
And finally, on their tenth wedding anniversary, the woman presents her husband with a quilted seat for the toilet tub. The husband carefully removes the silk ribbon from the wrapping paper and studies the object for some minutes. A moment later, he says in a slightly disappointed voice:
“But I hoped we would get that high-tech toilet with loads of buttons.”
“Nonsense, my love. Why do you insist on spending 400 dollars for that imported toy with heating, blow-drier, bidet and even music?”
(She could have made use of the music in that first morning with her future husband).
“This is a luxury item, but we deserve it!” – he replies.
To finish the conversation, he kisses his wife quickly and says:
“The high-tech toilet will be my Christmas present for you – I want to show how much you mean to me.”
These high-tech toilets of the last generation have already been used in Japan and South Korea for a long time. Japanese and South Koreans insist on spending a quality time while sitting in the toilet, what perhaps could be the only time when they can enjoy some unconditional privacy and peace of mind.
But returning to the topic, I still could mention the desperation of those who suffer from constipation and use some medication for this condition. They are rarely able to resist the sudden call of nature and because of that, they have countless horror stories to tell. For example, when they cannot hold their stool and relieve themselves in front of the school; or a story of the man who is invited for a barbecue party at his boss‘s place and discovers that his boss has the goddess for a daughter, but their toilet was not equipped with toilet paper nor did it have a towel. In this case the wet hands will have to perform a miracle. To publicly acknowledge the problem and ask for help in the moment like this? Never!
The toilet subject can also be considered as a cultural topic.
In the majority of the Asian countries, asking for the toilet in the house of the host could not be a bigger offence for the latter.
“He comes to my house just to bring us such a dirt?”, reflects the host. “This person does not deserve my trust.”
However, these same citizens do not seem to have a social problem in releasing not only stinky, but also sonorous gazes in public. Really curious…
What about elderly people, or pregnant women or even children? How are they supposed to target and succeed on these high toilets, with holes on the floor, where the person has to squat? It’s easy to see that this system does not work very well, when piss on the floor is left to dry out or when small pieces of excrement are glued to the cabin walls.
Apart from all that, I shall mention something that seems beyond any imagination: the island of Phuket, in Thailand, is a colossal toilet. People there even do not try to find a place where they could go to the toilet, but they just do what they need to do wherever they want, leaving for general public to enjoy the results of their activity. Moreover, they do not see any reason to worry about it.
In the Persian Gulf area, the Arabs are obsessed with their hygiene. It is not unusual to find short hosepipes even in a public toilet (for example in the cinema theatres), since they do not have enough room for bidets. So, if you entered a toilet cubicle and found the floor very much wet, it would probably mean that someone has just finished washing inside that cubicle.
In most countries of the Central Europe, men are educated to pee seated, be they at home or in the house of their friend or a family member. This has nothing to do with homosexuality, but by doing this men show their respect to the women of the house.
Design of European toilets, especially in Germany, Switzerland and Austria, demonstrates the huge effort of designers to find a solution for the tchibum effect. There are toilet tubs with a kind of shelf inside designed to stop the excrements from falling directly into the water. However, it could be a problem with the large amount of stool, because then it could reach the person’s bottom…
Nowadays pissoirs in ice cubes are considered très chic, but it becomes less chic when the women have to wash their hands in a public bathroom, as it is the case in the Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris (near the international arrivals baggage claim). Another extreme can be observed in most South Korean toilets, where women have to wash their hands right in front of the pissoirs.
Does someone see any logic in that?
The truth is that if encouraged, people can always tell some stories related to the toilet. Some of these stories are funny, where as the others are rather tragic. But regardless at what level people are (both spiritually and intellectually), I’m afraid that the toilet topic will always remain a taboo for most conversations.